If you are struggling through divorce or breakup and need some support through these hard times, make sure to dive right into this post on How to Recover from a Breakup or Divorce. I’ve been there!
When I left my husband after a 20-year marriage I almost died. I couldn’t get out of bed, I couldn’t eat, I couldn’t even function. I didn’t know who I was. I lost my identity. I lost who I was in this world. My whole world collapsed.
How would I ever get through this pain that felt like a grenade had exploded in my chest? How was I going to recover from this devasting breakup of my 20-year marriage? How?
I LIVED FOR THEM AND NEVER LIVED FOR ME!
I sat in my bed feeling so very sorry for myself, and wondering how I had let myself get to this point of lack and desperation and pain and emptiness. I didn’t understand how after all these years I felt like I didn’t not matter to the world, I did not matter to me. I was a dead man walking. There was nothing left. Nothing!
And then I realized the common theme in my whole life and my marriage – I always put myself at the bottom. Always. In fact, I sometimes wasn’t even on the bottom, I just wasn’t even there. I was not part of the discussion, the event, the day, the plan, the anything. It’s like I was just the “servant” or the person making sure everyone got what they wanted and needed, and my only job was to make sure everyone was happy and thriving. Especially my husband.
I lived for everyone else. But I did not live for me.
That’s when I made the decision. ENOUGH – no more of them. Now it’s all about ME.
“I COME FIRST!”
How to Recover from a Breakup or Divorce?
I COME FIRST!
This moment of my paradigm shift of saying to myself, “Revi, from now on I come first” was like a boost of adrenaline into my system that shot me out of bed. I was exhilarated, I was on fire, I had a boost of life and happiness that I had not experienced in years!
The very thought, the very idea, the very notion, that I should put myself at the top of the list and base all of my decisions, and I mean ALL of them, around ME, and my needs, my wants, my desires, was so foreign, was so new, was so outrageous to me, that I became like a 5 year old girl in a candy shop!
This way of thought was my answer. I. knew it. From that very moment of my life, I decided that everything I do, I have to make sure it suits me. I will not compromise my sense of worth, happiness, peace or joy for ANYONE.
I COME FIRST – oh yeah! It felt so good just to say this, it was liberating!!
I discovered true FREEDOM! I had realized that throughout my whole life I had created this limiting belief that I should NOT come first. That I did not matter. That was nor worthy of consideration and of thought. NO MORE!
“I COME FIRST!”. These are the words that changed my life at that very moment and began an incredible journey of self-discovery and self-awareness.
The pain of burying my old self was finally going away as I saw myself being reborn into a whole new woman. And it felt so right!
The pain and loss of burying my old self, allowed me to see a door that I had never seen before! This door was now wide open for me to walk through. It was a door that said, “Revi, this is the door that is all about YOU”.
With a huge smile, with tremendous gut and determination and confidence, I walked right through that door and today I stand here a completely transformed woman.
A NEW YOU WILL BE REBORN
I became a new woman when I put myself first.
People would ask me to do something, and I said no. My friends would ask me to do something, and I said no. My X husband would behave in a way that was not ok, and I told him he can’t speak to me like that anymore.
I started to stand up for my beliefs, my desires and my wishes.
I created boundaries that helped me keep my mantra of “I come first” so that if anyone overstepped my space and compromised my new law of “I COME FIRST” I knew what to do (check out the boundary model that changed my life).
And then I was a reborn woman! That’s your way to recover from a breakup or divorce!
YOUR NEW MANTRA – I COME FIRST
To recover from a breakup, make this your new way of life, your new way of being, your new YOU!
When you come first and you apply this law to make sure you do come first, the most incredible thing happens. Everyone will treat you like the woman you want to be treated as now you are treating yourself that way! Like attracts like! By showing up and behaving in a way that honors you, others will follow in your lead and honor you as well.
That’s the magic and that’s how you recover from a divorce or breakup – always put yourself first. Every day. All-day. For the rest of your life!
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