Where does the need to be validated by others come from? How can we deal with it at its core and realize our own true worth?
For many of us, the fear of leaving our marriage is way higher than the will to make it happen. The fear is in charge of us! But there will be a tipping point that will shift the balance and the fear will no longer matter. Your need for freedom, happiness and sanity will take over.
If you need evidence to prove your worth, just use the breakup as your evidence.
Of course, you get divorced scared. But you do it anyway. And it’s the perfect evidence that you are CAPABLE.
There’s a concept called “failing forward”. A breakup can be tough. Your whole identity collapses! I shattered into a million pieces.
But the best part is that you GET TO BE REBUILT as a woman!
It’s not “I can’t”, it’s “HOW CAN I?!”
Instead of thinking about the big picture, I went deep into myself. It’s not macro. When we’re in this phase of recovery, we need to go on a micro-level.
That’s why it’s important to BE SELFISH.
Say “no!”, order instead of making dinner, find time for yourself, set boundaries.
How to Stop the Need to Be Validated by Others
Understand Your Own Role
We make up our own rules! And most of them are not true. That is like your own prison cell.
We create mind drama on how things should be. We create our own nightmares and then we, of course, shut down.
OWN the fact that YOU created these rules.
And the best part of the transformation is that caterpillar period – where I went into my own cacoon and I went deep into myself.
I cut people out, I stopped sharing.
Why do we need this validation?
On my FB tribe, I saw a comment earlier this week where somebody posted “THEY need to like this” and I thought about our need for validation.
For me, an important part of my transformation was to understand WHY. Why I did the things I did so I don’t repeat my own mistakes.
If I was married to him for 20 years, I must be a part of the problem!
Dysfunctional needs – I was needy for safety, security. It all attracted me to dysfunctional marriage.
From all that drama, I realized that I need to get into my own cocoon and THINK ABOUT ME.
You have to realize how awesome you are, all on your own. We already know that we are NEEDY if we go to someone else for approval.
The question is WHY are you not looking at yourself for the validation?
Most of our issues come from our childhood and are based on our limiting beliefs.
Do you want to know what you truly believe in? Look at your reality!
Divorce Will Help You to Discover All of That
There are 5 stages of loss and they all will take time to go through. And, of course, they will take time for you to go through!
You need to deal with all of these emotions to understand WHY you were in that relationship and how not to make the same mistakes again.
If you’re going through a divorce, make sure to check out Fearless Woman Transformation Program for more support!
For me, anger was one of the last things I learned to deal with. And the anger is a fuel!
Anger can be a fuel for YOUR transformation. Anger is invisible but it’s a FORCE. It’s invisible but it’s real.
You need to understand that instead of “he should understand…”, “he should appreciate…”, it’s YOU who has the lack. So YOU are the one who needs to change.
When you want somebody to give you validation, it just means that you don’t have it. Therefore, you are needy for it. And if you do have neediness issues, you will attract the same kind of person.
When you start working through that – working on yourself – you’re starting to build yourself up, you’re just looking straight and up, you’re ready for GROWTH.
It’s all about your mindset!
Recognize that YOUR THOUGHTS based on what somebody has said in your life, ARE NOT TRUE.
You have to acknowledge that.
For example, if your dad has told you as a kid that you are “high maintenance”, you need to go back to that conversation and understand IT IS NOT TRUE.
It is a limiting belief that dad was right. When we are small we don’t think by ourselves, we are influenced by others!
But as grown women, we can GROW from that and think otherwise.
Learn more all about it in this video:
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