What is the difference between Intimacy vs Sex? And how those needs exist on different levels of Maslow’s Hierarchy??
When my 20-year marriage fell apart, and I left my husband, I vowed to myself to learn everything about ME to understand why this happened, why I was so unhappy, and how to fix myself to make sure this would never happen to me again.
I started to learn about Emotional Needs, and of course, Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs is the most famous and well known.
When I started looking at these charts and reading more about it I was blown away to see that Sex and Intimacy were NOT on the same Level!
Whatttt???
I am a big believer in sexual freedom in a healthy and adult way. I am talking about safe sex, intimate safe, and the type of sex that works for YOU.
I can share with you that in the last 5 years of my marriage, sex was non-existent. That right there is the biggest red flag in ANY relationship. If you are not intimate and having sex with the “man you are married to” then something is very wrong.
I had to understand more about why Maslow’s Needs separated Sex and Intimacy between level 1 and level 3. I always thought they were ONE. This to me was one of the core issues I had to work through and I knew it would help me in divorce recovery.
Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs: Intimacy vs Sex
Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs put Sex on Level 1 – Physiological Needs
Sex is on the basic and bottom of Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs. Physiological. It’s next to Breath, Air, Sleep, Food, Water It’s basically “Survival”.
It’s an animal instinct – like the wild kingdom. It’s a visceral need of human mankind.
Yet why so many don’t even talk about it and many more don’t even have healthy sexual relations with their boyfriends, lovers or husbands is an enigma.
I am not talking about those that can’t have sex for health reasons. I am talking about men and women that can have sex with their spouses but don’t. That is a real shame. \ This is also a big red flag when a relationship starts to fail – the sex stops and then the relationship usually suffers. It doesn’t have to be this way.
Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs put Intimacy of Level 3 – Societal
Intimacy (LOVE) is on Maslow’s Hierarchy of needs of Level 3! You have to get through level 1 which is Physiological, then Level 2 which is safety and security (money, shelter, job, feeling safe and secure, etc.). And then finally comes Level 3 – Society – which is all about community, tribe, relationships, love, family, belonging, etc. And this is where intimacy belongs. The challenge here is that most men are very clear on their separation of needs between sex and intimacy. It’s two parts for them. Yet most women, it’s blurred. Women have sex IN ORDER to get their need of intimacy fulfilled. HELLO – This is a problem!
SEPARATE THE TWO NEEDS and FIND your FREEDOM
The key here is to understand that SEX and INTIMACY fulfill two separate human needs. To truly understand this is a HUGE breakthrough in not just your relationship with your spouse, but it’s a total breakthrough in your whole life. Discovering Sexual Freedom and fulfilling that need is a RELEASE. It’s a release to be the person you were born to be. When one is free to have sexual freedom – the most basic and fundamental human need – level 1 – next to Air, Breath and Food – can you imagine how much freedom you will have in your whole life?
The way to achieve this freedom in the bedroom is to be with someone that you do feel safe and secure, and to basically focus on YOUR needs – not his. That’s right – focus on YOUR needs. What do you want? What don’t you want? This is all about you – discovering you, finding you, releasing the real you. That’s how this works. It’s about YOU.
FREEDOM in the Bedroom means FREEDOM in Life
My breakthrough and transformation came to me when I recognized that these two needs (sex and intimacy) were NOT the same. Yes of course when you have intimacy the sex is even more special, but again, it’s meeting TWO separate needs NOT one!
When I left my husband and went into my cocoon of self-exploration and self-discovery, one of the things I experienced was this revelation.
As a grown woman, an adult, that is responsible and does the right “SAFE” and “SMART” thing, I entered into this one relationship with a man that I “liked” but certainly did not love and certainly KNEW that I would never have a long term relationship with him. He was very “for the present moment” man – a transitionary man for me. I knew it and realized it was perfect for my current situation.
And it was with this one man that I experienced fulfilling my sexual need and FREEDOM. And I have never looked back since! Whoo hoooo!
The freedom I started to experience in the bedroom is what helped me cope and recover through my breakup of my marriage. The more I was free to focus on my visceral needs of Level 1, the more I could focus on healing myself and fulfilling all the other needs.
TODAY I AM A FEARLESS WOMAN
Today, 3 years after my Divorce became official I can tell you I am a completely transformed woman. I have not only met all my Maslow’s Needs on all 5 levels (to a point that I have self-actualized) I am now entering a unique phase in my life – Level 6 – not so common in the Maslow’s Needs, but very much a part of it for “some”.
Level 6 is the need to “TRANSCEND”. This is the phase that a human has a need to inspire and empower OTHERS to also Self-Actualize. And that is my goal today – with the Fearless Woman Tribe.
My transformation in the last few years was simply remarkable. I have never felt more strong, more secure, more safe, more FREE, and more happy than today. And the best part of this transformation is that I know TOMORROW I’ll feel it even MORE. It never stops expanding. It is the holy grail!
My passion now is to inspire and empower every single woman who is going through a difficult breakup or divorce to join my tribe and experience this transformation that I went through.
ANNOUNCEMENT:
I am working on a Fearless Woman Transformation Program that will be a game-changer for any woman who feels lack and lost in the world of life after a Divorce or Breakup. Join my tribe as I will max this program out at 100 people only. If you are in my e-mail list you will be the first to be notified when the program goes live.
It will be meaty, it will be robust and it will give you FREEDOM of self-expression and the tools and resources and support to be who you were meant to be. Do not suppress this person anymore. She deserves to come out and breathe in our world. So subscribe to my newsletter to get the first alert on this.
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In my Facebook Group, I go live every Sunday at 5 PM EST to talk about anything and everything to do with becoming a FEARLESS WOMAN.
I can’t wait to meet you!
PS: Please always practice SAFE sex – I am still a Jewish mother and will always say that – LOL!
