If you have ever said or thought “I want a divorce” this post is for you! It’s a story of going from devastation to transformation, it’s all about finding my TRUE self and coming out of divorce better, stronger and so much happier.
The Day It Happened
We were having a huge argument. Over my earrings.
My husband at the time was upset that I was not wearing these new diamond earrings I had bought for myself (with my money) at this restaurant we were eating at. I told him I was not comfortable wearing such fancy diamond earrings at a regular restaurant and wanted to save it for a special night.
He would not accept that answer. And he kept badgering me and badgering me, going on and on and on and on and on about how I don’t listen to him, I don’t do enough for him, how I don’t spend enough time with him, that I have to look pretty and dress nicely and always be by his side so he can show the world how successful he is.
He kept going on and on and on about how it’s about him, and how his image is important, and how he needed this from me and that from me and this from me and that from me….
I was delirious.
I couldn’t even hear him anymore. I was staring at him as he was going on and on and on and on. I call it verbal diarrhea. I am not kidding. He had a habit of always talking – and he never once had a conversation with me. It was always a monologue. He spoke and I listened. That’s how we “talked”. He would speak for 30 minutes, 40 minutes, sometimes 1 hour, and he just would not stop. He didn’t even know how to stop. One way monologue.
All I saw at that dinner table was his mouth moving. Non-stop. I stopped hearing his words. I stopped listening to his words. I was in slow motion. It was as though everything was coming to a stop. My brain was looking at this entire image – my soul had left my body and was observing both he and I in this “dialogue” if you want to call it.
It was as if for the very first time in my whole life I realized how bad things were. The badgering and the badgering and the badgering. It was never enough. And honestly, it never would be. He was insatiable. He really wanted 100 of me. I was numb. I was exhausted. I was nauseous.
For almost 45 minutes I observed his mouth moving as he kept going on and on. And then all of a sudden, I said to myself….
I DO NOT WANT THIS ANYMORE AND I AM DONE.
But these were thoughts in my head.
I did not verbalize it.
But it was so loud and so clear.
It was over.
The Trigger was an argument over a stupid pair of diamond earrings.
The Collateral Damage – the end of a 20-year marriage and our family with our two sons.
I was numb.
Now it was about ME.
The trigger that leads to a divorce
It’s never about, “He left her because of how she opened and closed the cabinet doors…. “She left him because he never took out the trash” – this is all nonsense. But it’s actually not nonsense at all.
The Trigger is that last straw, that last push, that last poke, that last argument, where you finally have that wakeup call and say – ENOUGH.
It is the EVENT that marks the change in your life as a married woman. As a married woman with kids. As a family unit.
It is the death of your very existence.
It is that real. It is that serious. It is that intense. I cannot talk of this lightly as it just isn’t.
It is a serious matter a life event, a marker that will forever and ever mark you, and your family.
It is entering a black abyss of pain and suffering and anger and chaos that cannot be taken lightly.
I only recommend you choose this path if you have a support system of friends, family and therapy. There are women that have done this without this support and do get through it. But if that is your only option, you keep your focus on the end result. The end of result of a bigger and amazing new you, as the dark pits and crevices and mountains and tunnels you have to go through can almost destroy you.
Stay strong. Women have done it before you and women will do it after you, so you too can go through it.
This TRIGGER – this wake-up call is where for the first time in your life you probably stopped blaming HIM, pointing the finger at HIM, screaming at HIM and instead realized the issue is all with you.
The TRIGGER is also the time when you realize that you DO have a choice, you DO have options, and you ARE In control of your life.
The TRIGGER is when you realize that you deserve to be happy.
The TRIGGER is what sets the avalanche, the volcanic eruption, the tsunami, the earthquake.
It will shock everyone and everything, including yourself.
But I am here to tell you, if this is your story, and you are living a life of quiet desperation, with a man that completely depletes you in all facets of your life, then this TRIGGER will save your life.
Survival instinct will kick in and you will go into 6th gear.
You are on your way to finally start living YOUR life and not HIS.
“I want a divorce!”
These words that came out of my mouth the next morning was honestly the worst words I have ever said to anyone.
It was one thing I was always dreaming about it, imagining my life without him, how I would be so happy, so free, so relaxed, so calm. I had been wanting to divorce him for over 10 years and I just didn’t have the guts to do it.
After that TRIGGER in the restaurant that he badgered me for around 45 minutes in his monologue and me only seeing his mouth moving and not hearing a word he said, I knew that moment, it was time to say it and act on it.
The next morning when I saw him again, we were having breakfast together. And of course he started again with his badgering.
But this time, I did something that was the most frightening yet freeing thing I have ever done in my life.
I leaned over very closely to him, until my mouth was next to his ear, and whispered these words to him:
“I WANT A DIVORCE.
THIS IS NOT A JOKE.
THIS IS REAL.
And with that. I got up from the table and left.
His answer to me as I was walking away….
“I thought you were joking all these years. I never thought you would have the guts to go through with it”.
I was speechless. Flabbergasted. In the utter shock of what he said.
He thought I would never go through with it?
Cleary he was mistaken.
The new me
What happened after that moment I whispered in his ear that I want a divorce and walked out, was a day that I broke free. I broke the chains. I broke the handcuffs. That is truly how I felt in this marriage. I was in prison. This was a man that was not good for me in so many ways. And I somehow had put myself in this prison cell, sentenced for a lifetime.
What a limiting belief I had put upon myself for all those years.
By breaking the chains that I had “invisibly” put onto myself (this is a very important distinction here as we as women are always free to do and be as we want. But we somehow make up these rules and create this walls and barriers that make us feel we have NO CHOICE. NOT TRUE!).
We always have a choice.
We ALWAYS have a choice.
Don’t ever think otherwise. To stay in a bad marriage is a CHOICE and to leave a bad marriage is a CHOICE.
But you are not locked into anything. Ever.
That day of freedom, that day I broke up with him and said I WANT A DIVORCE was the day I died, but also the day I was born!
As I write this blog article (Jan 2020) it has been 5 years since I left him, and I don’t even recognize myself. I am in a constant state of bliss and abundance and happiness that people stare and me when I walk into a room. People look at me like I have some IT factor. They ask me what I eat, where I exercise, if I am dating (funny).
When I tell them a little of my story, they ask me, how can I do that for myself? How can I find my happiness, my bliss, my balance, let the real me be what is outside in the world?
Those 5 years were very hard work on myself to discover who I am.
Now, I am the REAL me. I am authentic. I know myself. I love myself. I am in love with myself. And I was able to do this ONLY by going through my Divorce. I was reborn into the new and real me.
Looking back I realize that this was the best thing that happened to me. But at that time, at that looking ahead, I was never so scared to take that leap of faith into leaving him and my family and my identity and starting over as a single divorced mom. But it was worth it.
It was that TRIGGER of leaving my husband that propelled me into such a mayhem of pain, anger, chaos, devastation and depression but from all that I entered a state of magic, peace, love tranquility, passion, purpose, happiness, balance, power, confidence, conviction and being rooted clearly in knowing my worth.
I went from total devastation and depression from the Divorce to a total transformation into myself and becoming an unstoppable powerful me!
And I want to share my path, my journey, my growth with you.
And that is why I started my movement.
The Fearless Woman
A GLOBAL MOVEMENT TO EMPOWER AND EDUCATE WOMEN TO KNOW THEIR WORTH, MAKE 6 FIGURES AND BE FEARLESS IN GOING AFTER WHAT THEY WANT
No woman should have to go through what I endured.
Five years post-divorce I can tell you I am a new woman.
- A woman of passion.
- A woman of fire.
- A woman who has such strong and clear boundaries that no one even dares to cross them.
- A woman who knows her worth and won’t ever compromise it for a man or for money.
- A woman who earns 6 figures and headed to 7 figures very soon.
- A woman who is fearless in going after what she wants.
- Without needing or relying on a man for any of it!
And that’s what The Fearless Woman Tribe is all about.
It’s about inspiring, empowering and educating YOU, the divorced, the separated or the unhappily married women, or the single woman who is starting her life, to be free to be you.
It’s about me sharing this incredibly intoxicating journey of transformation from devastation to emboldened and happy.
By sharing with you what I want through, and what I learned to get to where I am today, I know, without a shadow of a doubt that you too will have the same 3 core values that embody who I am and what the FEARLESS WOMAN represents:
Core Value 1:
Know Your Worth
Core Value 2:
Earn 6 Figures
Core Value 3:
Be Fearless in Going After What You Want
Join our Tribe today and get ready to transform your life.
You are stronger than you think.
You are smarter than you think.
You are more beautiful than you think.
Frankly, you are amazing. You just don’t know it – YET!
Let’s change the world together and empower women to embody these 3 core values, one woman at a time.