How to reach the paradigm shift between needing a man vs wanting a man? Learn to fulfill your own needs!
After my divorce, I was so desperate that I threw myself at the wolves right away – I started dating right after divorce!
I was completely eaten up by these men who could just see & smell my desperation. These guys made my husband look like a pussycat! It was so shocking. I had to stop to see – what the hell am I doing wrong?!
And that was the beginning of my journey.
Do you NEED a man or do you WANT a man?
Wanting vs needing
I discovered a paradigm shift of wanting vs needing.
When we address our own needs without latching on a man to do that, that’s when we gain the power to go from NEEDING to WANTING.
We’ve talked before about all of Maslow’s Hierarchy and all of our most basic needs. For us to be able to WANT a man, not NEED one, we need to, first, meet our own needs.
It all starts with the fundamentals: shelter, food, safety.
If we don’t have that, we’re latchy, needy, we’re up for drama! If we can’t fulfill our own needs, we latch on a man to fulfill this.
What made you leave your marriage?
For most of us, there’s a trigger that suddenly shifts us and makes us realize that we’re worth way more.
A trigger that suddenly pushes you to leave.
And after this shift happens, you start to suddenly understand your worth. You understand that you are perfectly happy being self-fulfilled. You don’t NEED a man to fulfill your needs for you. You gain the power to see this!
The difference between needing and wanting comes down to worth.
Everyone has all kinds of excuses. But it all comes down to WORTH.
When you decided to leave, you made yourself realize YOUR WORTH. It’s your evidence. If you don’t have any other evidence, take leaving your husband as the evidence to know that you DO HAVE WORTH.
You come first!
MMI. Me, myself & I. You come first. You have the worth.
After my divorce I started realizing that I was so afraid to be alone, to be without a man, that I never really put myself first.
When you realize that your reality – your relationships – is compromised, it shows your true belief system. It doesn’t matter if you think you’re free or happy. If you’re in an unhappy relationships, it proves your belief system!
I realized I was FAKE my whole life. I was so afraid of being alone!
When you understand that this latching and desperation is because of your unmet needs, you can, first, meet these needs yourself.
If your worth is down, you NEED a man. And when you NEED a man, you will always compromise your worth for it.
If you WANT a man, your worth is high! When the worth goes up, the man
How to make the shift from needing a man to wanting a man?
First, start taking care of yourself.
Fall in love with yourself!
Explore what you love. Get comfortable being alone. Learn to fulfill your own needs. Find a way to make money. Secure the shelter over your head. Explore new hobbies. Take care of yourself. Go out, have fun!
THEN you can start attracting a man that will be worth your time.
THEN you will be able to WANT a man, not need one.
Once you get comfortable with being on your own and are happy with being single, THEN you can take the next step and actually start dating again!
Learn more in this video: