Getting back to dating after divorce can be a big challenge! How to get a boyfriend after a divorce? Here’s a Dating After Divorce Blueprint: 5 steps on how to get back into a dating game!
I was married for 20 years. When I left my husband in 2015 I died. It was that year that I call the “death” year. My life as a married mom of two kids was over. I had to bury the old me and recreate a new me. It was a total breakdown to breakthrough surreal experience.
Today, five years after I whispered the life-changing words into his ear “I want a Divorce” I am blown away as to the woman I have become and although the pain and anguish of the Divorce was something I do not want to ever repeat in my life, I know without a shodow of a doubt that I was meant to go through this and transform my life so that I can empower, inspire and teach YOU do to the same.
You can and you will!
My tribe today is strong and growing.
We are a community of divorced women and moms who are rebuilding ourselves – our sense of worth, our financial foundation, our identity and falling in love with ourselves all over again, and of course, finding and meeting our true soul mate!
A Divorce is heartbreaking. But the breakthrough from Divorce is Life Transformation.
I am honored to share my journey of transformation to become the Fearless Woman I am today.
This specific blueprint is focused on Dating After Divorce – How To Get a Boyfriend!
Below are my 5 Steps on How to Get a Boyfriend After a Divorce. It is nothing that you would expect and that is exactly why you WILL become a Fearless Woman when you are done learning with me.
Mr. Right #2 is just around the corner as long as we FIRST work on you!
Dating After Divorce Blueprint
STEP 1: Take at least 6 months to 1 year off after your Divorce before you start dating again
The pain of Divorce is real. This is exactly WHY you can’t start to date right away. When you are hurt and in pain and sad and vulnerable, you will enter the dating world in that place of LACK. This is very dangerous. As basically what you are really doing is wanting to “find Mr. Prince Charming” to make all your problems go away.
PROBLEM. That means you are still in trauma mode and will only attract a predatorial man who sniffs out women who are weak and vulnerable. You think you had issues with your first husband? Imagine the kind of man you will attract in this emotional state you are in – he’ll make your first husband look like Bambi! Stay away from dating until you have taken time to heal and become whole and secure again.
From a position of emotional health and security you will attract a great man.
STEP 2: Do not assume that the next man will fix all your problems
How many times have I heard my clients tell me, “Revi, I need a man who has money, who will give me a home, give me an allowance, be a great stepdad to my kids, pay all my bills, take me out of debt and pay all my legal fees, etc, etc.”
Are you kidding? Again – if you are entering the dating world in this mindset of lack and desperation you will REPEL – I repeat – REPEL – a healthy and strong and secure man.
This way of thinking puts you into such a desperate space of emotional neediness, that you will actually repel a secure man and instead attract a man even needier than you.
Keep this attitude up and I promise you will attract a man that has less money than you, ends up moving into your home, and then you end up taking care of his kids while he sleeps until 12 noon.
This is the WRONG mindset ladies.
Solution: Fix your own issues. Yes, you can and yes, you will. When you start focusing on how to fix your own issues what happens is that you start to feel empowered, you start to feel strong, you start to feel in control.
Do you see how your emotional and mental state is changing? You become a very sexy woman when you come from a position of control and knowledge. This is the space I want you to start dating from – a state of “ I got this, I get do this on my own, I don’t need a man to fix my issues, as I got this covered”.
There you go! You are a FEARLESS WOMAN and you can and you will.
STEP 3: Use dating to discover who you are!
Counterintuitive – I know. Women date and worry so much about HIM. What does HE want? What does HE like? What does HE want to eat? Where does HE want in a relationship? What does HE look for in a woman?
WHO CARES ABOUT HIM!!!
Ladies, this is all about YOU! I repeat. This is ALL about YOU!
I really could not care less what HE wants. The only thing I care about is what YOU want!
What are you looking for in a man? What is important to you? What values? What attributes?
We went through such a difficult Divorce – we already experienced the most horrible of heartbreaks – the heartbreak of a marriage with kids. Do we need to go through this again? Of course not!
For most of us we have not dated in a long time – not to mention now everything is online – Tinder, JDate, Bumble, the list is endless. So we have lots of options that put US in the driver’s seat.
Dating is about you dating men to discover what kind of man you want. We don’t care what they want – we care what WE want – got it? GOOD.
STEP 4: His relationship with his mom, his X and his kids – it MATTERS!
This becomes very important for “Chapter 2”. The reason is that this tells you a lot of information about a man before you even get to know him. I probed this question a lot when I started dating as it gave me great intel into many things about the man in a very short period of time.
His mom: does he check in on her? Speak of her fondly? Have good memories of his mom growing up? Give her a lot of honor and respect? This is important as a man who has honor for his mom will have honor for his woman. So probe here – it’s a great vetting question.
His X / Kids: This is a stick one, I know. But, I feel it’s very important as there is a way of treating your x wife who is the mother of your kids. Look at what you went through with your X Husband – hell I am sure. I personally do not want to meet a man who was ugly like that to his x wife and I personally want to know that this new man I am considering to be my boyfriend has the emotional control to not let his anger or frustration of his x wife get into the way of being a great father to his kids.
Kids don’t ask for this drama. They don’t ask for this chaos. I want a man who is emotionally mature enough to know this and hold back his frustration of his x and divorce and show his kids unconditional love.
When I see these things align in a man – honor to his mom, love to his kids, and still being understanding to the mother of his kids (his X) then this is a man I want to learn more about.
Show me anything negative in this area – then you RUN AWAY. Fast.
STEP 5: Is he emotionally secure or does he have drama?
This goes back to Step 1 – why you should wait to date and meet a guy. Divorce is heartbreaking. So if someone has ended a marriage, they are in a lot of pain. This could be dangerous for you to date a man like this as now he is needy and looking for a “woman” to fix him, help him, nurture him.
Is this the type of man you want?
Also, you need to see his situation. Is he working, does he have money (I am not talking millionaire, but you want someone who is stable, and secure, with a good job, or income from a business or investments). This is not dating in high school and not dating in college. This is “grown up” dating – dating after getting through a divorce – dating with kids at home dealing and coping with the divorce.
So be a grown up here. Don’t find a man who is another CHILD for you to take care of – we have to focus on our OWN kids to nurture and take care of THEM – what now you will attract a GROWN man who is also a child for you to take care of? NO!
Do not focus on fixing another man. Do not focus on saving another man. Do not focus on nurturing another man.
Reminder – this is about saving YOU. This is about fixing YOU. This is about taking care of YOU – your wants, your needs, your desires. So don’t make the focus on HIM make it about you.
This man should NOT have drama. He should be stable, secure, with a business, in a somewhat normal x wife / co -parenting situation (it’s never going to be perfect I know, but use your best judgement on what is normal and what is dysfunctional).
BONUS: Secret Tip: KEEP FOCUSING ON YOU AND YOU WILL ATTRACT A GREAT MAN!
The secret to finding an amazing man and a boyfriend after a Divorce is very simple.
Focus on you. Period.
When you focus on your growth, your mind, your body, your soul; you focus on fixing your finances, healing yourself with friends, family, therapy and support; spending time with your kids to make sure they are ok with this new way of being, with two homes and parents split up; with you reading and discovering new hobbies and trying new foods; going out alone, sitting at a sushi restaurant and eating dinner ALONE; going to a movie ALONE; going to a salsa dance class without knowing ANYONE; getting a job; making money; getting in shape; learning new things – all these things are all about YOU.
When you fall in love with yourself – when you know you who are – when you take care of yourself and become strong and grounded and happy with your life – and have gratitude for what is in your life – then the magic happens.
The men start showing up! They start noticing you have “something” about you. They will comment on it, and say, “uhm, there is something different about you” and they will want to go out with you and get to know you. And you will be so busy you will have to make them wait. And guess what – they WILL wait.
A woman who is secure, grounded and whole with herself, is the sexiest woman on the planet.
Fall in love with yourself. Fix your life, fix your issues, become a secure, whole woman, make your own money, get in shape, be happy with your lot and I PROMISE you will fall in love with the most amazing man of your life – as the universe will respond to your growth of abundance and security and gratitude with a like-minded man.
Just do these steps over and over again and you WILL not find a boyfriend – your boyfriend WILL FIND YOU!
Divorce Breakdown to Breakthrough Transformation Online Program: How to Start Dating After Divorce and Find a Great Boyfriend (and even a Husband).
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All you have to do is sign up here to be added to our waitlist and when we are ready to launch the online Program we will send you an e-mail.
Here is to YOUR transformation you CAN and you WILL.