Why boundaries are so crucial for a happy, healthy life? Here’s what I have learned.
When I learned about Boundaries I was blown away.
What? You man I do not have to respond? What? You mean I don’t have to put up with him talking down to me? What? You mean I can walk away from a marriage, a friendship, a job if they keep crossing my boundaries? I can?
You see for 22 years of my life I was a “schmateh” (that’s a Yiddish word that means a wet rag – but what it really means is someone who allows someone else to diminish them, walk all over them, and take advantage of them). Hello – that “was” me – and it is no more me!
I always gave and gave and gave and gave (sound familiar?). Most women (not all – some are smarter than me) naturally just GIVE. You know why? Because it’s a natural innate visceral way of how a woman is. Because Gd gave us the gift of creating LIFE that is why we are natural nurturers and givers.
The problem here isn’t the giving – after all – it makes us feel amazing to give and love. The problem is when it’s done to a point that you start resenting the giving, that you start feeling guilty if you DON’T give, if you start feeling badly about yourself for saying no, as you don’t want to hurt the other person, even if you are exhausted and tired and wiped out.
This is a major problem and in fact to me a major epidemic of why so many women become depressed, exhauster, overweight and frankly just give up and surrender to life. They accept that they come last (and in fact some even don’t make the list to come last – awful!). And so many moms, so many women, so many amazing and incredible and loving women like you just accept defeat – give the white flag and say – this is my lot. Fine.
What???? NO WAY. Why should anyone person walk all over you? Why should anyone person talk down to you? And keep taking and taking and taking from you and then demand to take even more!
I used to tell my x husband – I give you a finger, you want a hand. I give you my hand, you want my arm, I give you my arm, you want my whole body, I give you my whole body and now you want my soul.
And that, my dear Fearless Women Tribe, is when I said NO MORE.
When boundaries came into my life
It was then that I realized it would never be enough. No matter how much I gave and gave – to takers, to those that are only in it for themselves, it will never be enough. It was at that moment, that I had a TRIGGER – a trigger that actually felt like an elastic band hand snapped in my head and I said to myself, “ENOUGH – NO MORE – I AM DONE”.
And that is when my entire world changed – my entire world collapsed – my entire identity died on the spot and off I went into a spiraling out of control journey to become the whole and secure woman I am today.
It was not easy, it was terrifying, the drama, the fights, the running out of money, the second guessing, the chaos and the drama – it didn’t stop. I often cried for hours alone at home at night. I could not stop crying. The tears never stopped. I went to Starbucks – I would burst into tears for around 20 minutes. People would just hand me napkins – they didn’t know what to do with me. I didn’t know what to do with myself!
It was simply – awful.
BUT – I knew deep down in my heart as I completely trusted my inner soul and intuition – that I HAD TO DO THIS FOR MYSELF – FOR MY SURVIVAL – FOR MY SOUL – FOR ME.
And so I went through the horrible pain and agony. I was relentless. I was fearless. I just went forward and forward and forward and I did not stop.
How boundaries helped me
I learned so much about myself – stories I will share with you throughout my blog, my pod casts, my facebook group.
I am a completely transformed whole woman. I feel like old Revi died and a new and magnificent Revi was born. And it feels SO GOOD!
I want to spread this new found freedom.
I want to spread this new found release.
I want to spread this new found ability to see things from a different pair of lens.
Even if you are married and don’t want a divorce, but still live a lifeless marriage – it does not have to be that way – it doesn’t.
I ask that you go on a ride with me – a journey of unimaginable change to your life that in one year from today you won’t believe the today you ever existed.
Work with me to create the real and authentic YOU of tomorrow – but it starts today.