We all have needs. And there is nothing wrong with having needs. The problem is when we are NEEDY. Are You Emotionally Needy? Divorce Reveals all your Emotional Neediness.
To have needs is normal. To be needy is repulsive.
Have you ever had that friend that is constantly wanting to be around you? Wants to stay with you and do what you do and be involved in your life? She calls, she texts, she almost stalks you? That is someone who is needy.
How do you feel about this person? You are repulsed by her I am sure. You probably just want to almost get rid of her, you find yourself not calling her back, avoiding her calls, and always saying no you can’t.
Do you see this problem? Because this person is “needy” she is actually repelling what she most needs – YOU! Your friendship, our time, your presence, etc.
So that is the simplistic distinction between being emotionally NEEDY to having emotional needs.
Are You Emotionally Needy?
Having emotional needs is normal
The very basics of Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs (Emotional Needs) is the very basic foundation of our life, our security, our structure, our growth, our development.
If these are not being “self met” then you will have issues and be needy for those to be met.
It is very important to be aware of your needs and to know it and understand it. From this very basic way of living, you need to expect those needs to be met – whether you are meeting them (making your own money, having your own home, living in a community, etc), or being surrounded by those who love you and support you to “help” you meet them. There is a big difference with communicating those needs to others around you and making sure they are helping or complementing you in meeting these needs, versus someone “doing it for you” – as if someone does it for you, then you are not “self-fulfilling” this needs which can cause havoc if you find yourself going through a Divorce.
Being emotionally needy is repulsive
Being Emotionally Needy unravels its ugly head during a Divorce.
What happens is that many women find themselves having their Husband’s fulfilling many of their Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs (food/shelter/home/intimacy/sex/community) etc. So if you defer to our husband to fulfill your basic needs, and then there is a Divorce – well then all hell breaks loose.
This explains why so many women then run to dating right away to find another man who can fulfill these same emotional needs – a “new” man to provide food, shelter, love, intimacy, safety, community, etc.
But here the cycle and the drama continues. Because all you are doing as a woman is instead of fixing the issues by yourself, and resolving your own “neediness” and then becoming emotional secure, you are running to a man to meet our emotional neediness.
As I showed you in the example right at the top of this blog article, someone who is needy is desperate and vulnerable and usually repels the RIGHT people that she needs in her life. So when you start dating from this place of emotional neediness and hoping to have a NEW man fulfill your neediness, all you are doing is coming from a place of lack and vulnerability and you will most likely attract the same type of needy man.
It sounds so counterintuitive I know but it’s the concept of “like attract like”.
If you are with a man because you are in a bad place, have no money, no home, no shelter, need food and a place to live and of course want the love of a man, then you will find a man who is just as needy. He will have his own drama, his own issues of no money, dysfunction, chaos, drama, and the two of you will forever continue the cycle of not meeting your own needs and having more drama in your lives.
Be strong and face your issues and fix your own neediness
Many women don’t want to hear this. They get upset with me when I say this. They say to me:
“Revi, you are different than me!” This is not true – we are both women, we are both divorced, we both have had our lives shattered from the Divorce and we both have kids. Seems to me that we both come from the same place.
“Revi, you work for yourself” – yes this is true, and you too can work for yourself. You are smart, you have a computer and you have a brain!
“Revi – you can take care of yourself, and I can’t.” Good grief – what a terrible limiting belief this is. This is EXACTLY why you keep running to a man to fix your life. You THINK you are not capable of fixing your own life.
I am here to tell you that you absolutely are capable of fixing your own life. You are capable of addressing your own emotional neediness and fixing it without the help of a man! You see when you start self-meeting your own needs (home/food/shelter/work/money/ community), etc, what happens is that your “neediness” evaporates. That’s exactly what happens! It evaporates into thin air. And then all of a sudden you are NO LONGER NEEDY.
And you address each and every single “neediness” you have on your own (ie: not with a new man but with yourself, your family and your friends that love you unconditionally) and slowly, slowly the magic happens. Slowly, slowly you start manifesting your true and abundant self.
And poof – you are now emotionally secure, emotionally ground and you are NO longer needy.
From THIS place, you can date all day long and from this place of emotional strength and foundation you will meet your soul mate who is equally secure and equally solid, as the saying goes, “LIKE ATTRACTS LIKE!”
